I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
