I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
