I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
