You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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