I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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