I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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