What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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