I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
