just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
