I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
