I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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