hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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