call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
