do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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