Where did you get a picture of my penis
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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