i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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