Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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