Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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