i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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