So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
