you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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