dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
