six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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