You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
