Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
