I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
