What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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