I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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