I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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