how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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