I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
