I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
