Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
