im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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