I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
