Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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