You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
