My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
