Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
