well I can't set my house on fire every night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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