I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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