I can tuck mytits in my pants
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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