and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
