You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
