I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
third nipple confirmed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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