okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
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Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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