what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
