i need an iv and a liver transplant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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