My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
