Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
