chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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