Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
