already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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