I wanna bring you to show and tell
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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