It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
