Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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