the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
