i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
