Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
