Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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