oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
