Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
