It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
