I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
