So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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