my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
