Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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