so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
