it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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