Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
high people should be assigned attendants
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My dick has a subreddit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
