New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
