I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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