You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
