His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
