Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
