real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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