I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
