Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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