hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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