Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
