Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh god it's open bar.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
