so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
