It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
