i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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