So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
