I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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