i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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